Say it to yourself: Finding closure and moving on


“Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.” — Nora Ephron

Have you ever been in a situation where everything was left unsaid? No closure, no apology, and no real understanding of what happened.

Maybe you had a falling out with a friend, parted ways with a business partner, broke up with an ex, or a guy you were dating just stopped calling. It’s an annoying, distressing situation to be in. You’re left with all these questions. Was it my fault? Did I do something wrong? Does he just not like me anymore?

But the beast of them all is: Why?

As a professional over-analyzer (really, this is my full-time job) who goes over things a hundred times in search of an answer – the answer – these situations are my nemesis.

I once read: “You know truth by the way it feels.” The truth has a way of calming things, a way of soothing your soul in ways you can’t explain. But in unsettled, open-ended situations that feeling is one you may or may not ever get.

So, what do you do?

Write yourself a letter from that person’s “higher self.” Write down whatever you want to hear from “them”: a heartfelt apology, a truthful explanation, a genuine reconciliation, etc.

For example:

“I am sorry I ignored you. I am insecure and was worried you’d reject me so I cowardly ran away. You do not deserve such treatment. I am sorry for behaving this way.”

While this isn’t as good as the real thing (when is it ever?), it does provide a sense of peace and closure, allowing you to move on as best you can. The upside to this strategy is that you can be creative. You can write whatever you’d like which might make you feel even better!

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Jessica is an employment specialist for marginalized youth in Toronto, Canada. She enjoys teaching, traveling and observing - especially the relationship between mind and heart. Jessica also has a passion for outdoor walks, dancing, and all things offbeat and authentic. You can contact her at

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