It seems I’ve reached the age, I just turned 26 in December (#Sagittarius), where everyone – literally everyone – is talking about marriage.
It’s like when you turn 25 this alarm is set off and everyone starts screaming: WHERE IS MY BELOVED? I WANT TO FIND THEM!
This, coupled with the fact that you feel like you have arrived at some societal landmark in which everyone starts getting on this boat called “Adulthood,” and if you don’t get on now you’re going to be left behind.
Well, the thing is, I’ve always been a bit of an oddball, a late bloomer, I-do-things-my-way-kind-of-gal so I’m not particularly bothered by the social requirements one feels they “should” attain by a certain age.
In my mind this is “the itinerary” for most traditional Middle Eastern Christians:
Finish school, land dream job and start dating future spouse somewhere between 23-25, approximately.
Engaged at 26.
Married by 27.
Enjoy 2 years of childfree, marital bliss in which time we buy a house and travel.
First child by 29.
Second child by whenever you find the time to create second child.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I do think this itinerary presents a sound and sensible arrangement that makes emotional, financial and physiological sense. I mean, even St. Paisios advises us to marry young.
I want to get married someday (Inshallah ya rab, meaning, “Let your will be done, O Lord” in Arabic) as I believe this is the holiest, most profound union two people can enter into. Marriage is not just a legal, financial contract, it is both a death and rebirth. The end of individualism and the start of community.
I’m not ready for that right now. In fact, it all scares me tremendously.
My life path is a little different, but I trust in my journey. I trust in the timing of my life, and I believe that things will work out for me so long as I am authentic and true to myself, continually asking God for His mercy. I genuinely believe everything that happens to me is in my best interest. Everything is working in my favor.
This, along with the fact that I was recently reminded of my favorite Jill Zarin quote from Real Housewives of New York, “Better if they [he] love you a little more than you love them [him]. It lasts longer this way.”
What she’s basically saying in a crude way is, if you feel like your spouse loves you more than you love them, it means they are sharing the experience of Christ with you since God’s love is an expanding energy – it always gives more. Energy has two states of being: expanding or contracting. Essentially, positive or negative. Loving or hating. An energy connected to God can give since it’s source is eternal.
Ideally, you’ll both feel like your spouse loves you more than you love them.
I guess this is all to say that, yes, I would like to get married someday but I don’t know when (or if) that will be, and I’m cool with that. In fact, I really like that. Everyone has their own path, their own internal clock and timing, and so long as you are true to yourself, or better yet, are in a vibration of prayer, your story will have a happy ending. Remember, everything is working in your favor – working for your spiritual enlightenment, doing whatever it takes to get your spirit focused back on Christ’s love.
When you’re ready, they’ll be ready and that’s when you’ll meet and things will work out, but first, we must be open to it. We must be in second circle. Ultimately, the right time for you is the right time for everyone else, too.